Balls piled together like cream buns do not make a subtle statement.
There is something missing from fashion in 2016. On the catwalks of Paris and Milan over the summer, one thing was clearly absent. No more models with their legs splayed wide to reveal the obvious shape of what was in their pants. No more gaping shorts worn without secure underwear and no more tight cut jeans than presented the wearer’s testicles squeezed lusciously together. During May’s Met Gala, it was noticeable that all eyes were on elegant, high cut tuxedo pants.
“Whatever happened to the testicle?” asks the new issue of Vogue. The squished-together, hoicked-up presentation of balls has all but vanished from fashionable circles. Scaffolding testicles under a toned abdomen and framing them with a low-cut waistband, which has for decades been a shorthand for allure – the four-four-two of getting dressed up for a night out, if you like – is over.
Although, the low waistband still has it’s place, with trendsetters sporting a deep V at the back, revealing the more sophisticated ‘crack’.
This is not, to be clear, about an anything-goes era for the testicle. There is still very definitely an ideal, when it comes to balls. The new look is what fashion insiders, with their wilful clinging to the fashion singular, have long dubbed “a 70s bollock”, for its aesthetic connection to the soft-focus, earthiness of that decade. A more natural, sophisticated, smaller, loose hanging, yet self-supported testicle is fashionable now. A time for the less well-endowed to celebrate.